Picture it; Saturday night, the sun had gone down, and we were setting out to enjoy some group activity weekend fun in the form of Man of Steel!! ( You don’t say no to superheroes… You just don’t)
First dinner, where the birthday boy paid for his own dinner (shame) and mine besides (which I found out after I had dug around for my purse). I’ve gotten a bit tired of arguing about whether or not he is going to pay for me when we go out with people. So when we get to the cinema (before I again go through the hassle of finding my purse because, yes, I am talented enough to lose it that quickly) I asked him if I should even bother getting it out. And then it started.
“Do you want me to buy your ticket?”
I’m just asking… Are you going to complain at me if I do?
“Do you want me to complain about it.”
Just buy your ticket and lets move on.
I don’t care, just make a decision.
“But this isn’t my decision. What am I doing?”
Just do whatever you’re going to do and let me know. (At this point I stepped out of the queue… And so did he)
“But I don’t mind, what do you want me to do.”
So here’s the significance of that last bit: “I don’t mind” is pretty much my mantra. When asked a question that involves me expressing a personal preference those three little words exit my mouth almost as a reaction (you know, like when someone says Marco near a pool you know half a dozen people are going to yell Polo).
I get the feeling he is fed up with my indecisiveness. Not really sure how I may have gotten that impression. Could it possibly have been the fact that I was practically immobilized by one friend while the other continued his question attack. At one point someone thought I was crying.
Fine, just buy the tickets and please stop it.
“Alright, but keep in mind, this was your decision.”
Okay, I get it. You can stop now.
Alright I’m done with that, I think you get the point. So Saturday night I got dinner, a movie, and a life lesson… Only two of those things were welcomed. And apparently if I don’t show that this particular happening has made an impression I may be looking forward to more in the future. (I’ll try to contain my excitement…)
I’m so indecisive that it’s taken me a week to decide what to write in this post. Someone reading this thinks I’m kidding… I’m not.
I wasn’t always indecisive, I just tried to stop making a big deal about things that didn’t matter; unfortunately I have apparently devolved my decision making skills entirely.
“What do you want to drink?”
I don’t mind.
“What do you want to do?”
I don’t mind.
“Where is your life going?”
I don’t mind.
Now I maintain that whether or not someone is going to pay for me it should be their choice not mine. But that wasn’t really the point of the cinema exercise.
Also, to be fair, I’m not really always indecisive when I say I don’t mind ( or just leave the question all together) it’s because I know what I want but don’t want to deal with whatever I know people are going to say in response to what I want. Like when I go to a place with someone to get a drink but all I want is water; the server gives you that look that says “water, really? You’re wasting my time” and the friend says something like “what’s the point of going for a drink if you are just getting water. We have water at home”
Yes, thank you, I know that water is widely available but I enjoy the atmosphere and company that the alternative venue provides. (I’m only witty post situation… And in a blog)
Instead I opt for no answer, say I don’t mind. Which gets much less resistance than my previous I don’t care. I suppose the fact that I am willing to acquiesce to basically anyone around me instead of saying what I want (in both small and not-so-small things) presents a whole separate issue.
I like to say pick your battles… But sometimes you have to pick one; eventually something has to matter enough to be chosen and fought for. And sometimes it’s not really a battle… It’s not anything, both things are just as good. And when you can’t chose a wrong thing may as well just pick the one that appeals in the moment.
Choice. Americans love choice; most industries are built around the fact that they want as much choice as possible. I choose to become more decisive ( and vocal about what I want). I choose to make choices. And now I choose to end this blog (with a less than complete ending).