Thursday nights at my university means The Experience (just think of it as a midweek church service, but more interesting than whatever just popped into your head). Every week during this program there is a bit where the screen shows “I see Jesus” and people talk about when in the last week they “saw” Jesus. And yes, for those who aren’t sure, this is symbolic. We aren’t talking about a Jewish guy walking around in a white robe and sandals; we are talking about when we saw the goodness, the love, the blessing, when we saw God working in our worlds.
There are always a wide array of answers: “I saw Jesus in getting a job” “I saw Jesus in a conversation with ___” “I saw Jesus in two boys helping an elderly woman across the road.” Bottom line- when you are looking for it you can see Jesus pretty much wherever you want to. I’ll admit, this section normally has me internally gagging on the corniness of it all (I’m not exactly what one would call sentimental); tonight I wasn’t.
Tonight I almost said something. Tonight when presented with this question I actually had an event come unbidden to my thoughts. Apparently, my sub-conscience saw Jesus this week. In a conversation with a friend on Sunday afternoon while he explained to me why he doesn’t mind paying for my dinner occasionally (I swear, I am working on being okay with not paying my own way sometimes… It’s just hard!).
Actually, parenthetical comments aside, let me explain why that is a big deal. I come from a place where you don’t get a free meal. Exception only if someone is trying to impress and invites you over. When going out with friends they pay for them and you pay for you. This rule is only broken occasionally and you know that you will get paid back, and we are talking ASAP. First time this guy paid for me, he had to offer it a few times before I acknowledged him because I thought he was kidding.
Now this isn’t to say that I grew up around a bunch of selfish people, just generous in different ways. Free manual labor, babysitting, essentially donation of time; not money. So for the last few months this guy occasionally pays for me and I fight him on it, I try to pay him back (he’s more stubborn than me! *grumble grumble*) and, recently, I just give a glare and a ‘thank-you’ because it isn’t worth the hassle.
But I broached the topic, “why don’t you ever let me pay you back”. He asked me if I wouldn’t rather spend my money on something else. (Well, duh… But wouldn’t you as well?) Essentially, if I’m interpreting correctly, it comes down to one simple fact: he has more money than I do! What I see as a big enough sum to warrant worrying about quid pro quo, he’s just like “yeah I got paid in between so…”
On one hand that makes sense because, well think about it, dude with a decent job <–> broke student, who really has more cash in the bank? And he’s a nice guy (no matter how much I call him a jerk) so whatever. On the other hand, small town America raised girl with a big emphasis on pride, self-reliance, and “nothing for free”.
So yes, it took a while to sink but I think it’s getting there… I possibly have a thicker-than-normal skull. And I saw Jesus in this friend, and in the conversation. Just the simple “why would you give me money when you could spend it on other things” attitude; doing something without expectation of compensation (although I bet if he could make me be quiet as repayment he would take that). Yeah, I saw Jesus there.
And what, you might ask, was Tylene’s (obviously) completely normal/mentally healthy response to that? I decided to find a way to not see him anymore! That’s right, a well adjusted, honestly nice, good guy is my friend and I decide that I am going to avoid him like the plague. Actually, the way I was feeling at the time, if he was on one side of the street I would cross it to be like “Plague, bruv, what’s up man. Tell me about you.”
I know what you’re thinking, “she forgot her point” but no! No she didn’t, I mean… I. I didn’t, because that reaction leads you beautiful readers to the second time this week that Tylene “saw Jesus”. I was invited somewhere that said GG (good guy) will be, and I knew I couldn’t go, because of the aforementioned “broke student” thing. It is a damper on things that cost money.
Then the cost issue went away. And the time issue was taken care of. Damn, what now? Now, Tylene takes a moment to figure out why, why am I avoiding someone who is actually being nice to me?
I don’t know. I’d love to figure that one out but I haven’t yet.
What does this have to do with seeing Jesus? Simple, a situation was created that made it to where I can’t throw away a potentially functional friendship (I’m apparently a fan of nonfunctional aka crazy unreliable friendships). Instead I have to be a real person, and get over it, and stop being afraid…
This week I saw Jesus in the breaking down of walls and the building of interpersonal relationships. I saw Jesus in strange and wonderful loving actions towards myself and others. I saw Jesus in people, which is exactly where He should be.
Beautifully varying rhythms of life 